• my kid|滯留‧奔波

    由於高雄那裡的保母還沒有找好,短期內也沒有找到的可能,因此Lulu將暫時托我岳母照顧;白天在板橋,晚上回天母。而我跟露娘則是交替地南北奔波,我每兩週帶Lulu下高雄呆一個週末,她則反過來每兩週回台北呆兩個晚上。

    對一些長輩來說,或許這樣的情況是比較好的。或者說,「對孩子好」,他們總是這樣說。只是,這對一直希望能自己照顧Lulu的露娘來說,其實是很大的打擊。畢竟小孩的成長就那麼一次,你不知道你會錯過什麼,你更不知道這次的錯過會埋下什麼種子。更讓人氣結的是,當你聽到教會長老娘,或自己的父母,說著類似的構句:「沒帶小孩下來也好啦,這樣你才可以專心牧會。」時,你卻只能笑笑的點點頭。你的心頭在滴血,他們卻聽不到。他們甚至以為一旦你接受他們善意的幫忙,他們就有權用他們的言語傷害你。

    兩個星期前的週五晚上,我第一次帶Lulu下高雄。坐飛機。臨行前,岳母打電話來說:「要把我們Lulu照顧好喔」,我笑著說:「會啦。是我的小孩,不是嗎?」到了機場,Lulu坐在娃娃車上四處張望,嘴裡吃著米餅;上了飛機,她又習慣性地跟座位周圍的乘客打招呼、擠眉弄眼,活像是華信航空的親善大使一般。雖然這一路上她不哭不鬧,但從晚上不安穩的睡眠狀況來看,這趟飛行對她來說還是挺累的。

    星期六,我們一家跟朋友去市區吃飯、在COSTO買貝果,然後九點多就全家躺平在客廳地板。星期日,露娘一直忙到下午三點半才得空上樓回家,而Lulu則是一睡就是三小時。星期一,上午,我帶Lulu飛回台北,途中她抱著我睡著了,即使已經餓了好幾個小時,也沒有哭。

    隨著我們與Lulu分別的時間越長,一些情況開始不一樣了。最明顯的地方就是她變得更黏露娘,每次她一看到露娘就一定要露娘抱(露娘>豬小草>保母>阿公、阿媽>其他人),晚一秒就會鬧;倘若露娘離開房間,她還會站在門前試圖把門打開。類似的情況是,當我禮拜日在教會接她時,她一抱著我就不太願意給別人抱。

    是的,Lulu開始會認爸爸媽媽了;也開始知道什麼叫做安全感了。

    下午,岳母打電話來問Lulu是否已經去保姆家了,我疲累的說:「去了。中午去的。」她說:「現在Lulu好聰明喔,會認爸爸媽媽了,一看到你們就要你們抱耶...」我冷冷的說:

    「這不是聰明,這是本能。」

    岳母沒聽清楚,問我剛剛是說什麼。我卻沒有力氣再覆述一次。

    是的,或許對那些圍繞在Lulu身邊逗弄著她的各位大人來說,這小女娃是可愛的;眼睛咕嚕咕嚕地轉、會跟著你的歌聲一起唱歌、會高興地揮手說再見、會大聲的笑、會站起來跳。但對我們這對一家分隔三地的父母來說,在更多的時候,我們卻是看到,與不捨,她的另外一面。

    餓著肚子也不哭鬧、爸媽跟她說再見她只是點頭、半夜哭著要你抱著她睡、努力地想打開門找媽媽...

    老實講,如果可能的話,我還是希望能夠在高雄找到合適的保母,好讓露娘能夠一邊牧會、一邊照顧Lulu。畢竟 「家」只有一個,成長只有一次。至於那些喜歡把Lulu留在台北的人啊,不要跟我說什麼帶著小孩沒辦法專心牧會,你自己先專心聚會吧。
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    12 comments:

    額娘碎碎念 said...

    哎唷好心疼~三個人都秀秀~~

    這讓我想到帶兩個女兒去痢髮院開會的教授先生,還記得當年竟然招致批評,實在不能理解!怎麼小朋友就不能跟著爹娘出現在「公共場合」似的?又沒打斷會議進行!

    這裡更讓我覺得嘔,帶小孩去參加某些聚會是很白目的,「應該留在家裡找臨時保姆來帶嘛~」有人醬跟我叨念,挨了我一個白眼:「喔,老實說我很歡迎客人帶小孩來我主辦的聚會,反正我的聚會上不會有毒品色情,我還會請大家幫忙一起盯著小孩~」塞了一塊點心,我笑笑轉身就走~噁~其實真想繼續削對方:不是小孩不適合這環境,是我們讓這環境不適合小孩!

    哎~~想不通這些人到底想些什麼?

    豬小草 said...

    啊,說到這事,我就要抱怨一下。

    話說上個月清大中國學程在誠品辦了一場中國影展,我們全家出席,工作人員看到Lulu去也挺高興。在片子放映途中,Lulu沒哭沒鬧,只是偶爾發出一些笑聲。片子結束時,一個二十多歲的女學生回頭跟露娘說:「小姐,請你以後不要帶小孩出席這種公共場合,這樣會妨礙其他人的權益。」

    去你其他人的權益!我們家Lulu沒哭沒鬧的看完全場,你這女生遲到沒位子做又硬擠在特地坐到最後一排好隨時帶著小孩離開現場的我們的前面,背影晃來晃去的擋住我們的視線、壓迫我們的呼吸,我才請你不要妨礙我們觀影哩!

    Bell said...

    有一次我先生下去高雄講道,教會的門口就放置一塊招牌,大意是要父母讓小孩子保持肅靜之類,我先生看不懂中文,我馬上就翻譯給他聽,會後,他就跑去跟主事的人抗議了!

    豬小草 said...

    這讓我想到台神馬牧師說過的一個例子。他說台灣的教會都喜歡將小孩區隔在禮拜之外,說是因為小孩的哭吵笑鬧會影響聚會的進行,但他反問我們說:「如果孩子不能在教會裡自由的笑、自由的哭的話,那他要去哪裡?」

    而事實上,在我的經驗裡,我反而是怕SL的青崇太吵,讓Lulu沒法好好睡覺啊。

    凱洛Carol said...

    小嚕真是個乖孩子,阿姨看到都哭了。

    豬小草,看到你跟露娘對小嚕的愛,你們是第二個讓我興起願意生小孩的想法的人。(第一個是陳凱爾)

    屎小魚 said...

    哎~。總是透過這裡陸續得知露娘和你家lulu的近況。編消息版時見到,露娘南下高雄了,而我似乎就快離開台南。但願在南台灣,碰得到一次。
    露娘,我週末不時得南下高屏去,你幾時有空?到教會找你去。

    豬小草 said...

    屎小魚要不要考慮這個週末來?隔天(8/20)是露娘就任禮拜。

    tiffany said...

    嗯 看ㄌ這篇文章 讓我晚上看到lulu時 又會多一份心疼了
    希望這只是短暫的過渡期 為合適ㄉ保姆禱告吧!

    John said...

    Hi
    I hope you don't mind if I comment in English. I have been very interested to hear about your articles through my wife - "Bell".
    I'm a minister of the United Reformed Church (UK) but now living in Tainan - doing something very different - teaching English in a cram school. That’s another story!

    When I began my ministry it was in the Church of Bangladesh (through CWM). One of my clearest memories is of being told off by the Bishop because he had received complaints from members of the congregation about my two year old son joining me at the pulpit when I was preaching. I ignored the complaint and have treated such complaints with contempt ever since. In England I had to deal with troublesome adults who nearly turned several young families away from the church by their attitudes. They would mutter "quietly" from the pew behind about "parents who couldn't control their children". It always got back to me because I was the one who encouraged the families to come.
    Don't worry about these people - just remind them and the whole church that Jesus had the same problem as you do - the disciples even tried to stop the children from getting in the way until he rebuked them too. It shows the problem was there even before the church started.

    As for the unrealistic expectations of the congregation concerning the free employment of spouses in the ministry – don’t they see that the world has changed a bit? However I do think it is for the ministers to be a little more proactive to help people understand. What would they expect the minister to advise if a family was having problems with children while the parents were not giving them enough of their time? Surely the best advice would be that the parents should free up more time for the family. You could find plenty of support for this in the Bible – do I have to quote verses? And if that is the advice to give to church members then surely it applies to ministers families even more because they have to give an example. Giving more time may mean for others that they change jobs. Surely the church has the responsibility to be a good employer that cares for the wellbeing of its employees and their families.

    I suspect that some of the attitudes of church members stem from past church culture including unfortunately the pious ideas of missionaries who gave their lives for the gospel (And often sacrificed their families for it too!) Sorry about that – I hope I was never that kind of missionary.

    I hope these comments are some help to you and your wife. Maybe we should meet sometime if you are ever together here in Tainan.

    屎小魚 said...

    哈好啊!沒採訪就過去一趟。太讚了。本來以為八月第一週就舉行就任禮拜啦!竟然有機會可以趕上耶!週六幾時打電話去教會可以聯絡的到你們?

    豬小草 said...

    John:

    Many thanks for your comment; it's really helpful. Luluma and I are just starting our missionary life, there are a lot of things we need to learn and we welcome all the advices from ppl like you.

    BTW, we used to live in Lancaster, UK for one year, and it's amacing to know you and Bell. It would be great if we can have a lunch or dinner when we visit Tainan (I was born in there). I will leave the message on Bell's blog.

    cheers!

    屎小魚:

    上午打都在吧。家族宣達團將在週六上午由台北啟程,預計中午抵達。當然,Lulu是本次宣達團領隊。

    see u

    Anonymous said...

    Hi again
    Yes, it would be great to see you next time you come to Tainan - or if we are in Taipei or Kaohsiung.
    You're welcome to any advice you think I can give. Though it comes mostly from another culture where the church may be in a very different situation. But I think it was a matter of survival in the ministry for me at the time. When we agree to serve the church we all want to give our best but there have to be limits. One of the most important things for ministerial survival is learning to say "No" - and to say it loudly enough for people to hear!
    John

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